one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Randomize
