READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
are you so shy because you have an std?
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
i think my cat just said my name.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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