I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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