She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
