Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
