In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
The power of my boobs compel you
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
where are my eyebrows?
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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