yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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