My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
