my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
