Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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