Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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