Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
