Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
you will always have a special place in my vag
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Randomize
