Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
