Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
