I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Four minutes until I can fart!
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
