It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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