I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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