I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Randomize
