You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
You ruined the universe
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