think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
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Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
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Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
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