I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
