it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
