Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
