remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
My vagina just recognized that song.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
