Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
