he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.