Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
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It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
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My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.