WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
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when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
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Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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