just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
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