Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...