Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(817): View more from Texas

Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.

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(773): View more from Illinois

that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.

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(573): View more from Missouri

You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.

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(703): View more from Virginia

like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.

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Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Read it at the TFLN blog
(732): View more from New Jersey

It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club

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(602): View more from Arizona

Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.

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(210): View more from Texas

well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry

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(949): View more from California

And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."

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(905): View more from Ontario

In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.

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