he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
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I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
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I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.