your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Randomize
