Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
