Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
