he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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