i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
