remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Randomize
