By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
