I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
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