i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.