She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.