Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
20 People Who Caught Their Significant Others Cheating and Hand Over Some Major Karma
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
33 Memes You’ll Find Uncomfortably Relatable If You’ve Ever Been Through A Messy Breakup
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I have poison ivy on my dick
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.