that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
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