Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
25 Of The Most Common Life Mistakes Young People Make
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
25 People Confess What They Really Think When They See An Obese Person
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.