Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
