i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
