dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
