i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Randomize
