Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Randomize
