i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
