Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
so much tequila, so little girl.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
