You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
