The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize