Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
