Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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