I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
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and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
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I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
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