We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
I think I just sharted jello shots
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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