That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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