whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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