I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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