I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
