My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Randomize
