He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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