i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
