i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
