things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
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