ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
