Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
