Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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