Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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