He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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