then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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