spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
