I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
