Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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