You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Bang-toberfest begins!!
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
