I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
