how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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